DigiGirlz & Voices In Your Head

May 9, 2013 By Leave a Comment

I wanted to share with you an experience I had a couple of weeks ago at the Microsoft corporate office here in Minneapolis.  Each year, Microsoft hosts an event called DigiGirlz in cities across the country and in many countries around the world. (Find it at http://www.microsoft.com/en-us/diversity/programs/digigirlz/digigirlzday.aspx)

2013 Microsoft DigiGirlz Event in Minneapolis. It was such an incredible and inspiring experience!

 

It’s intended for school age girls, grades 8-12, and is a first-hand look into the world of technology and what that may look like in terms of career options.  It’s a full day of workshops, hands-on learning, speakers and tons of fun.  

Why was I there you ask? (Clearly because you know me and I can be a bit technology challenged at times :-) ).

I was honored to be asked to sit on a panel of successful executive business women the girls would have access to.  They were given the opportunity to ask questions about our backgrounds, how we chose our career paths, what kind of work we actually do, etc.  I was so impressed by their poise and the questions they asked and I felt so proud to be part of the amazing group of women on that panel.

I was also asked if I would teach a workshop for the girls, and right away I knew what the topic would be:

Inner Critic.

I know that if someone had told me about mine way back then and explained what it was, why it was there and how I could manage it, my life would be so different.  I felt it was my responsibility to share this information with them and get them starting to think about the voices they hear in their heads – and that those voices aren’t really theirs.  

Here’s the cool thing that happened.  We started talking about all the times the voice tried keeping them from doing something that was outside their comfort zone.  There were some girls that really opened up about their experiences with their IC – sports try-outs, asking a boy to a dance, giving a presentation to the class – all kinds of things.
They started to get the picture that this voice, while on the surface seems to have good intentions to protect us and keep us from being humiliated, really is all about keeping us small and holding us back from doing really big things.  I saw quite a few “a-ha” moments happening in the room – which warmed my heart.  The workshop ended with the message that they can manage this voice and lead the kind of life they are truly meant to.  And they can handle anything as long as they have faith in themselves. They’ve got this.

The seed was planted.

So here’s what I’m wondering right now – are you still listening to these voices and giving them all your power?  Do you know who your Inner Critic is?  What it looks like?  What its voice sounds like?  Most importantly – when it shows up, how to handle it?

I have lots of tools to help you learn more about the voices in your head and I can teach you how to recognize it and manage it, so it doesn’t control the choices you make.

I would love to work with you so one day you can say, “I’ve got this.”

Leave a comment and tell me what your Inner Critic voice sounds like. Let’s get the conversation started and learn the difference between the IC and your true voice! :-)

Filed Under: Authentic Self, Mindset Tagged With: , , , , ,

One Little Question – A Whole Lotta Help

April 18, 2013 By 2 Comments

I need to share with you a wonderful tool I learned about six months ago. It has helped me numerous times avoid the distress I’ve inflicted upon myself my entire life.

Here it is: “What are you making this mean?”

Out of context, this may seem a bit weird.

Our daily lives are filled with our thoughts – those that serve us well and those that don’t. Sometimes things happen that can cause us pain – or rather we choose to have them cause us pain.

These circumstances can be characterized as facts. (Think the old TV show Dragnet, “Just the facts, ma’am.”)

I was talking with a client last week and she told me about a meeting she was in with four other realtors and their office manager.  They were discussing the possibility of forming an accountability group and working out some of the details. She seemed really upset about the meeting, so I asked her about it.  She told me she was upset that she was chosen to be in the “old lady” group.  She was really offended that her manager had thought to put five realtors together – all of them over 50.  So I asked her what she was making that mean and her response was, wasn’t she good enough to be with the younger, more energetic realtors?  Didn’t he think she could sell as much as the younger group?  Maybe they didn’t want her in that group in the first place.

Wow.

In reality, most situations are pretty benign until we hook our version of them to them and then our thoughts can go wild – usually when we feel we’ve been rejected or criticized in some way.

See if this sounds familiar:

FACT
My son is failing math.

OUR VERSION
His teacher knows he’s failing and doesn’t care about her students. He’s not studying enough and isn’t getting the help he needs. He’s not going to graduate on time.

FACT
My boss barked at me.

OUR VERSION
He has no patience for other people and looks down at me. I know he thinks I don’t know what I’m doing.  No matter how hard I try, he always finds something to criticize.

Do you see yourself in any of these situations? I know I’ve been there too many times.  

Getting back to my client, I talked to her about her thoughts and that perhaps they just weren’t true. Maybe, just maybe, her office manager had selected those five realtors because he thought they’d create a cohesive group; their production levels were similar and he felt they could encourage and support each other.  Maybe age didn’t even enter his mind when he was putting this group together.

Maybe it didn’t have anything to do with her at all.

We all seem to be habituated to negative thinking (ever notice how quickly your mind goes to a negative thought rather than a positive one?), so all the drama we link to the facts just makes us more angry, sad, depressed, worried, bitter – you name it.

What to do about it?

Try these easy steps so you, too, can avoid self-inflicted misery:
1.    When something triggers your emotions negatively, try to separate out the facts of the situation. Facts are usually short and sweet – I’m getting a divorce.  I have a flat tire. My dog pooped on the carpet.
2.    Ask the question, “What am I making this mean?”  What extras are you piling on top of the facts?  Have you dived into the deep end of the drama pool?  Try to distinguish the differences.
3.    If your “story” is causing you to choose feelings that are painful or you are making others the bad guy, don’t accept it as fact. Be open to letting it go. It’s not the truth. It’s just the story your brain is telling you.

And remember this:

If your take on a situation causes you to question your worthiness and value – drop that thought like you would a bad boyfriend.

The truth is, other people’s behavior says everything about them and what pain they are dealing with in their lives. It really has nothing to do with you.

We can’t see the truth without using compassionate eyes.

So tell me when in your life have you released your version of a painful situation and how did you do it? Please share with us in the comments.

Filed Under: Acceptance, Letting Go, Mindset, Worthiness Tagged With: , , ,

How A Flower Pot Kept Me Sane

April 11, 2013 By 2 Comments

Perfectionism.

I’ve written about this in the past.

I’ve said how it’s a myth.

I know all the catch phrases like “progress not perfection.”

I’ve shared that I’m a recovering perfectionist.

I still struggle with it sometimes – like last week.

My middle son is graduating from high school this spring and we’re hosting a party for him in May.  A nearby floral nursery was having a planting event that I’ve participated in before.  They allow you to bring your own pots, they provide the mulch and soil and you purchase your greenery from them. Then when you’re done planting, they tag the pots and you leave them there for a month or so, while they fertilize and water them.  When you pick them up – the flowers are overflowing. It’s like a color explosion.

I invited my dear friend, Sandi, to go along with me to help me decide what flower combinations to put in my pots – color schemes, sun tolerances, etc. She’s a master gardener and knows every flower made and we had so much fun choosing. (Did you know that every pot should have a “thriller”, a “filler” and a “spiller”? I didn’t either until Sandi told me).
Once we had all we needed, we headed for the piles of dirt I saw in the distance.  We happily filled our pots with mulch and soil and went about the business of planting them. I had everything carefully planned out – certain color scheme for the front of the house, side deck, garden area – contrasts, blends, you name it.

Then it happened.

Imperfection struck.

I was so focused on the conversation we were having that I accidentally planted a pink flower in the center of other pink flowers (it was supposed to be white in the center of pink).  The entire pot was completed and I was starting on my last one, when I realized my blunder.  Now 3 pots were going to be wrong – according to my plan, anyway.

I froze.

I panicked.

I gasped – and practically sucked all the oxygen out of the entire room.

Then I looked at my friend and told her what I’d done.

We stared at each other for what seemed hours, when she asked me what I planned to do about it.

I looked down at the pot, then back up at her, then down at the pot again.

She started to laugh because she knew exactly how I felt.  She too, is a recovering perfectionist.

I gotta say I’m sure you’re wondering what the big deal is, right? It’s just a pot. Rip it out and start over or just leave it.

But it goes a bit deeper than that for me.

Not ten minutes earlier, I had just finished saying that one of the reasons I love planting flower pots is that I can’t screw it up! There’s no way to do it wrong because it all will look beautiful when it grows. It’s a place I can feel creative and expressive without rules.  (I never did well in any art class I took.  Can’t draw to save my life).  Just loved the experience of creating.

The Universe just sent me a test.

Would I practice what I believe or would I cave to my old thoughts?  Would I be true to myself and how I want to show up in the world or stay in the same old habits?

My stomach was in knots. I could feel the struggle physically.

I looked at my friend and told her I was going to leave it just the way it was. (I actually was surprised that I said that).

She told me she was proud of me, how great it was that I was handling things differently and that it wasn’t a big deal at all.  We finished planting the pots that were left.

A few moments went by and I asked her what she would have done?

Her reply, “I would have ripped them up and started over.”

I thought we were both going to fall over we were laughing so hard!

So here’s my question for you:  Where in your life are you continuing to live out of alignment with who you are and how you want to show up? Is it worth it? What one small change can you commit to making so that a shift can occur? I’d love to hear from you, so please share here or on my Facebook page.

Filed Under: Authentic Self, Higher Power, Letting Go, Mindset, Perfectionism Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Goals & Gratitude: They CAN Go Together

March 28, 2013 By Leave a Comment

“It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.”
~ Ursula K. LeGuin

Go for the gold.

Make it happen.

Strive.

Push harder.

Goals.

Everyone sets them.

I was raised by a very successful list maker and goal setter and I learned very early on that these were two skills that were highly valued at my house.  
And don’t forget achieving the goals I set. That was a must do.

I believe in goal setting – absolutely.  It’s a wonderful tool to use to give direction and a time frame to our dreams.  Goals can motivate us, provide context for self-definition, and can at times deeply invigorate us.  

But, is it the goal itself or the steps along the way to achieving it – the mishaps, the dead ends, the winding path (rather than the straight shot from point A to point B, which is what I’m usually looking for) that give real meaning to our lives.

We are so much more than the goal we’ve set, and the process is what ripens the person within.

I was talking to a client this week, and she was telling me her long list of accomplishments for the week and without taking a breath, began telling me about what she was going to do next.  She told me she felt like she never gets anything done and there’s always so much more to do.

I asked her when was the last time she stopped to acknowledge her accomplishment and to be in gratitude for the gifts it brought to her life.

She was silent.

So many of us have adopted the mindset of “GO, GO, GO” that we are blind to the juicy parts of the journey.  It’s far too easy for most of us to miss the moment and its richness because we are so fixated on a particular ending.  (I know I’ve been guilty of this many times and exhausted, too.)

How often do we neglect to appreciate the many opportunities for feeling excitement for a job well done? (I know you’re nodding your head on this one!)

We rarely sense the full joy in the moment because our sights are set on something in the future.  Plus, often when a goal is achieved, it can be kind of a letdown.

We’ve forgotten that joy lives in the process.

So what do we do?

Well, I’ve done a lot of thinking about this and have decided that in order for me to live in alignment with who I am, I can no longer follow the status quo. I have committed to myself to work differently from this moment forward. (Thank you, Lissa Rankin for your blog)

I am worth the effort.

Are you? (The answer here would be a resounding YES!)

So here’s a very simple thing I’ve been putting into practice on a daily basis.  I ask myself these questions:

“Can I stay in the moment and the activity before me, just for today?”

“What am I grateful for learning and/or experiencing in this activity today?”

And, finally, when I feel myself getting all ramped up again:

“How can I have fun letting this happen?”

That’s it.

Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

This keeps me very present with whatever it is I’m doing and also gives me the opportunity to connect with my “why”. It’s more in line with my energy and I’m certainly not exhausted anymore.  I know the other way does work – I used to live that way for years.

And then, it didn’t work anymore and I needed to find a new way.

A way that works for me, who I am now and how I want to be in this world.

I don’t have to keep striving to be more.

I’m enough just as I am.

You are, too.

So how are you used to setting and achieving goals? Does it exhaust you?  When you think about making changes to how you approach it, what issues come up for you?  Share your experiences with us here and on Facebook and let’s support each other.

Filed Under: Authentic Self, Balance, Gratitude, Health & Wellness, Letting Go, Mindset, Worthiness Tagged With: , , , , ,

Where Are You Supposed To Be?

March 14, 2013 By 2 Comments

Courage does not always roar.
Sometimes, courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,
“I will try again tomorrow,”
~ Mary Anne Radmacher

We’ve all heard the saying, “You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.”

How many of us believe it?

Yeah, I thought so.

It’s something I am challenged by more often than I’d like to admit.

In spite of my best efforts to work my AA program and lean on Spirit’s guidance and wisdom, I sometimes don’t trust that things are happening in the time and way that they are supposed to happen.

Translation: It’s not happening fast enough for me and I’m not a very patient person. (Insert foot stomp here).

I trust, wait, pray, listen to other people, listen to my inner wise self and I still don’t get the answer.

If this sounds at all familiar to you (and I know it does), here are my thoughts around it and what I try to remember when life isn’t moving forward fast enough for me:

1.    During these times, I remind myself that I am right where I need to be, even though that space may feel uncomfortable. My life does have purpose and direction. I just need to wait a bit longer.

2.    I am being changed, healed, and transformed at deep, deep levels – deeper than I can imagine. This takes time. Good things are coming. This takes time. I am being led and guided. This takes time – to hear and feel.

3.    I can become peaceful. I don’t have to act in a frenzied manner just to feel like I’m “doing” something to make an answer appear. I can wait until my mind is peaceful. I can wait for a clear message – clarity is golden.

The answers will come.

They always do.

They are always perfect.

And, they are always so worth the wait.

I’ll leave you with this thought by Melody Beattie:

“Today, Spirit, help me know I am being guided into what’s good about life, especially when I feel confused and without direction.  Help me trust enough to wait until my mind and vision are clear and consistent.  Help me know that clarity will come.”

Sigh.

I feel better.

How about you?

What do you need direction or clarity on? Share your thoughts here or on our FYCC family Facebook page. Let’s get the conversation started!

Filed Under: Authentic Self, Gratitude, Higher Power, Letting Go, Meditation, Mindset, Self Care Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Enough Is Enough

March 7, 2013 By Leave a Comment

You have to open your heart and read what your soul wrote inside:

“I am enough.”

~ Dodinsky

We hear about extraordinary people and the incredible things they do or accomplish in their lives.

We hear about it a lot.  It’s on the news, entertainment shows, YouTube, all over the internet.

These stories can be uplifting and inspiring.

They can also be used against us.

Have you ever found yourself comparing your life to the woman who has 9 kids, owns her own multi-million dollar company, built a school and helps run it, started a foundation and just got back from two weeks in Hawaii? (If you think I’m exaggerating, I’m not. I know this person).

My life is pretty ordinary compared to hers – no doubt.

In our society, there’s fear and shame about being ordinary.  Everyone is striving for some kind of celebrity status it seems.  We’re getting the message that if we haven’t written a book, been on The Ellen Show, had a YouTube video go viral or have at least a million Twitter followers, we somehow haven’t lived up to the standard.
Our society is very fast paced and dismisses ordinary, hardworking people.  We may equate ordinary with boring or unexciting or even meaningless.
Brene Brown says, “One of the greatest cultural consequences of devaluing our own lives has been our tolerance for what people do to achieve their “extraordinary” status.” (excerpt from “I Thought It Was Just Me, But It Isn’t”).  

We seem to value the level of people’s contributions by the amount of media attention they get – their worth is based on being famous or how much money they earn, regardless of how they achieved it. (Think athletes that take steroids or corporate executives that have a multi-million dollar exit package negotiated while the employees are losing their benefits or pensions.)

Is that it?  Is that what it comes down to?

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “When you compare yourself to someone, you lose every time.”  I know I’ve said it hundreds of times – to myself and others – and I still have a little part of me that still does it.  I would like that part of me to keep getting smaller and smaller.

You, too?

Well, here’s what I know to be true:

My life is my life. I am the creator of it – along with Spirit.  I’m not supposed to have someone else’s life.

I know what’s important to me, what my core values and beliefs are.  I strive to live them each day.  I do not do it perfectly every day – and I’m OK with that.

I can have an extraordinary life anytime I want because I define what “extraordinary” means to me. (I feel I have it already in so many ways).

You can, too.

You are multi-talented, smart, beautiful, sassy, soulful, loving, generous, wise – oh honey,  I could go on and on. :-o

Why not define what extraordinary means to you and your life instead of using someone else’s definition – that probably doesn’t fit anyway.

Is it living each day being fully present to the smallest of things?

Is it about letting go and allowing Spirit to guide you?

Is it eating a hot fudge sundae in the middle of the work day and enjoying every sweet bite?

Is it doing work you love that does not fall into the “normal 9-5” standard?

Is it finally accepting that you are an incredible person and the mere fact that you are breathing makes you enough?

I invite you to decide for yourself what extraordinary really means to you and start living by it.

Let the rest of the world try to become famous.

You already are – where it counts most.

This week’s challenge: I’d love to hear your take on an extraordinary life and what it means to you. Please comment here and let’s get the conversation started. I feel a shift about to happen!

Filed Under: Acceptance, Authentic Self, Gratitude, Health & Wellness, Higher Power, Letting Go, Mindset, Self Care, Self Love, Worthiness Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Wanting What You Already Have

March 1, 2013 By 6 Comments

“You don’t need a new life, just a new lens through which to view the one you have.”
– Marianne Williamson

Wanting more is great.

Desire is lovely.

We all want more in our lives and it’s pretty easy to name what we want.  More money, independence, time, love, intimacy, fun, vacations, freedom, creativity.  You can make a list of things you want. I’ve done that in the past – lists and lists of what I want.

You can be really specific and gear the list to certain areas of your life – work, love, relationships, health, spirituality, etc.

While I like the idea of want lists, I’ve come to question the effectiveness of them.  If having more abundance in your life is your desire, why would you want to focus on what you don’t have?  Doesn’t it take your attention away from what’s already working in your life?

And when you notice how wealthy you already are, doesn’t it make sense that you’ll become even more prosperous?

I’m a big believer in the Law of Attraction and all the teachings, raising your vibration and focusing on what you want.  I just think there’s something missing.

What about wanting what you already have?

How would it serve you to want what’s already in your life?  Would you feel better?  Lighter?  More abundant?  Less stressed?

What if you looked at your list of wants and tried to see where you already have some of the things listed – or a form of them?  This might be a stretch, I know – and do it anyway.

Look at each item and think about how or where in your life you have that thing or have experienced it in some way, shape or form.  Really think about this – it might show up as a tiny smidgen of the want – that’s ok.

Here are a couple examples:

Want: “I want more money.”

Have: “I got a tax refund.”  “I got paid 3 times this month.” “I found $20 in my coat pocket.”  (Do you see how more money is flowing into your life?)

Want: “I want to be more creative.”

Have: “I re-purposed an old vase to hold fresh lemons on my kitchen table.” “I turned an old ladder into a bookshelf.”“I’m experimenting with a favorite recipe to see how I can make it new again.” 

(If you want to see some really clever ideas, visit Bored Panda or Houzz)

You know what happens when you find evidence that your goals or dreams are coming true right now?  

•    You’re less needy.   (Needy – even the word makes me cringe. Who wants to be needy).  Need = Should = Lack. Not a cool place to come from if you’re looking for more abundance.
•    You shift into a grateful space, which increases your vibe, which moves you toward what you want.
•    You just might realize you have more than you think you do.

Be open to really looking at your life and seeing  – perhaps for the first time – that what you want is already there.

So what do you want that you notice you already have some form of?  Leave a comment here and start increasing your vibe!

Filed Under: Authentic Self, Gratitude, Mindset Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Intimacy: In/to/me/see

February 22, 2013 By 2 Comments

“Intimacy…just a tender sense of my own inner process, that holds something of my connection with the divine.” – Excerpt from Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much by Anne Wilson Schaef

Intimacy.

It can mean so many different things.

Physical intimacy.

Emotional intimacy.

Spiritual intimacy.

I used to think about this word as only being used when in a relationship with another person; like a family member or lover or friend.  Most articles and books are written about intimacy from the “being in a relationship” perspective, so I’m sure that influenced my take on it.

I had never thought about being in an intimate relationship with myself.

Have you?

I’ve pondered this idea and have discovered that true intimacy starts on the inside.  If we can’t be intimate with ourselves, how can we bring intimacy to a relationship?  Of course, this isn’t something that we can just decide to fix overnight.

It takes time. (I know, it would be so cool to just cross our arms, do a quick nod and blink our eyes – like Barbara Eden did in I Dream of Jeannie – and have this deep connection with ourselves and others).

Actually, taking time is the cool part.

We need time to rest, time for long walks, time for quiet and time to go within and listen to what our wise self is telling us.

We are so used to filling up our lives with “doing” – running here, there and everywhere – which ensures a lack of intimacy with ourselves.

So, how do we become more intimate with ourselves?

Baby steps, my friend.

Take 5 minutes in the morning to be still and listen to the sound of your breath.

Curl up in a chair, with a blanket and your favorite cup of tea. Notice the how the flavors engage each taste bud, how the warm liquid feels as it travels down your throat and heats your body. Spend a delicious few minutes with yourself.

Instead of pouring that glass of wine to help you unwind from a long day, take your dog on a walk.  Watch how he delights in every smell he encounters. Watch how his tail is wagging with anticipation of what’s around the corner. (If you don’t have a dog, borrow one. They really are one of the best examples of living in the moment, joyously.)

Take a nap.  I give you permission :-)

Meditate.

Write in your journal. This is one of the best ways I know of to get to know who you really are. Ask yourself some questions: “What do I love?” “Who am I, really?”  “What makes me laugh?”  “What brings me joy?” Answer them honestly. You may surprise yourself.

As we become more intimate with ourselves, our connections with others and with Spirit will deepen as well.

True intimacy begins at home.

Come home to yourself. ♥

This week’s challenge:How will you begin your intimate relationship with yourself? Please share your comments here. I’d love to know you better!

Filed Under: Authentic Self, Health & Wellness, Higher Power, Meditation, Relationships, Self Care, Self Love Tagged With: , , , , , , , , ,

Love Letter to Yourself

February 14, 2013 By 2 Comments

“I don’t like myself, I’m crazy about myself” – Mae West

When is the last time you wrote a letter to someone?

I know.  I’m racking my brain trying to remember myself.  With email and texting, Facebook and Twitter, our society has all but forgotten the art of letter writing.  It’s a shame, I think, because it can really be a snapshot of a particular moment in someone’s life.

My husband is really good at leaving me notes or writing something sweet in a card.  He has written a few love letters to me over the years, and I’ve saved all of them.  I get them out once in a while and read them when I need to feel good or am having a hard day.

This was especially true when I was in the first few months of my sobriety.  I felt so disappointed in myself for not being able to take control of my drinking and was ashamed that I followed my mother’s footsteps into alcoholism.  I wish I’d had the wisdom to write myself a love letter.  It was really what was needed at the time. 

We need to feel good about who we are, and if we’re suffering from an addiction – alcohol, shopping, drugs, sex, eating, whatever – it can be very difficult, almost impossible, to accomplish.  To me addictions are an illness – a sickness of the soul.  Some of us have fallen so far that we’re not sure how we’ll ever get up.  We’ve forgotten who we are and what our assets are.  We don’t know where to start.

Well, here’s my suggestion: write yourself a love letter.

This is not your typical letter, mind you, and it might feel really weird and uncomfortable.  I know.  I’ve done it, and it’s so worth it!

You’ll probably go through a couple of drafts (or if you’re like me, lots of paper and scratched out words), so don’t put it on stationary just yet.  Once you’ve composed a letter that you feel really good about, pick out some beautiful stationary and handwrite the letter on it.

If you’re having trouble with what to write, start with answering these questions:

1. What I love most about you…
Please take some time with these questions, especially this one.  Really think about who you are, and if you’re not sure anymore, then think about who you used to be and what you loved about her.  Was it your ability to make people laugh?  The way you make others feel comfortable right away?  The way you nurture and mother others?  Take the time to think about the woman you are.

2. What I admire about you…
We have so many wonderful qualities and when we’re feeling lost, they are difficult to remember.  If this is happening for you, try to think of whom you admire in the world and what qualities they possess?  Most often, those are the qualities we have as well.  It’s ok to brag a little about yourself.  If you won’t, who will?  :)

3. What I value about you…
This one may take some thinking on your part.  The word “value” has a myriad of meanings, so you’ll need to determine what meaning it holds for you.  Are you ethical?  Do you treat all you meet with dignity and respect?  Sit back and really think about what qualities you value in yourself.  By the way, this is not the place to skimp on words – write it all out, for the love of you!

4. Thank you for being…
This one might be the easiest one of all.  Gratitude for taking good care of your physical body could be on your list.  Feeling thankful that you are no longer engaging in destructive behavior; having gratitude for being “willing” to even attempt to write this letter.  Anything can be on it - just make the list.
If you’re anything like me, you’ll start to squirm in your seat a bit before you can put anything down on paper.  Be patient with yourself.  This is new territory for you.

Self love is the greatest gift you can give yourself. 

It’s impossible to truly love another person if you don’t love yourself first.  It’s imperative to living a healthy, spirit-filled life.  It’s going to take a lot of practice before you get good at it.  Little by little you will be able to fill in the blanks to these questions and eventually, you’ll even start to believe what you wrote.

I remember one morning I looked in the mirror, and for the first time in years, liked who I saw looking back at me.  There was warmth that came to my heart and soul as I looked at myself, smiling.  That was a moment I will never forget.

My wish for you is that you have the same, wonderful realization, that you, too, are loved – by you!

Filed Under: Addiction, Self Care, Self Love Tagged With: , , , ,

How Do You Want to Feel?

January 31, 2013 By 2 Comments

“If you’re happy, if you’re feeling good, then nothing else matters.”
-    Robin Wright Penn

So here we are at the end of January already.  In addition to doing some planning for my coaching business, I’ve been doing some deep inner work – all about thoughts and feelings.

Light it’s not.

Fascinating it definitely is.

In the past, when someone would ask me how I am, I would answer with “Fine” or “Good” or whatever pat answer came quickly to mind.  I didn’t stop to think about how I felt, I just answered quickly with what I thought I should.  Even when talking with a friend, if they asked me how I was, I’d use a very general word to describe how I felt or one that I thought I should use.

That never felt quite right either.

I started to wonder if I really knew how I felt.

I was raised in a highly dramatic family (families with addiction usually are) and the words we’d use to describe situations or feelings were usually over-the-top dramatic.

Betrayed.

Incensed.

Devastated.

Never.

Always.

You get the picture.

We were always at the deep end of the drama pool.

My relationships mirrored what I was used to – highs and lows. I thought this was how everyone’s lives were.

I didn’t know there was a shallow end until just a few years ago.

Anyway, I’ve been doing this work on myself (while getting another coaching certification with Brooke Castillo) and have really come to believe this:

Thoughts create feelings.

Now I know you may not think this is a big deal, but believe me when I say, it is!

I have always been under the impression that my feelings just were there, magically, uncontrolled by me, caused by others and there wasn’t anything I could do about them.  Like I was the victim of my feelings or something.

If this sounds the least bit familiar to you, stick with me.

As I have dug deeper, I’ve learned that what I think creates how I feel.  I have realized that I AM in control of how I feel and that no one can cause me to feel a certain way.  If I want to feel differently, I have the ability and option to choose a different, better feeling thought.

Now I know this sounds super simple, and in theory it is, however, it does take a lot of being present and willingness to change in order to make this work.
I have used this process with my kids, my mother (H-U-G-E), my hubby  – and it’s been so fascinating to discover how I used to think/feel about something and by changing the thought, it has changed how I feel.

This has been such a freeing experience for me and it’s given me tons of hope that I can make the necessary shifts in me in order to have the kind of relationships I want with certain people in my life.

So I ask you, how do you want to feel?

I invite you to try it.

This week’s challenge:

Write down 2 or 3 core feelings you want to feel.
Then, ask yourself, “What would I need to think in order to feel this?” (Hint, this has to be believable to you)
Write down those thoughts and keep them handy.
Start thinking them as often as you can and notice the changes in how you feel, act, etc.

And for sure let me know how this exercise feels – and what your thoughts are. Leave your comments here or on Facebook or Twitter

Filed Under: Authentic Self, Communication, Gratitude, Health & Wellness, Mindset, Relationships, Self Care, Willingness Tagged With: , , , , , ,
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